Making Your Wedding Guest List Needn't be Stressful

Making up your wedding guest list is one of the biggest decisions you need to make.

It sounds like one of the most pleasurable aspects of your wedding preparation, but the ugly truth is that it can be difficult.

You have so many things pulling you in all directions: parental opinions, budgetary concerns, reception site concerns, etc.

Let's look at some things that are going to determine how long your wedding guest list will be:

• Style: Are you looking for an intimate gathering with just family and some close friends or are you looking to put on the blow out bash of the year with everyone invited?
• Budget: More guests mean more cash. Either cut expenses and invite the number of people you want or slash your wedding guest list.
• Parents: If your Moms and Dads are into inviting all their friends and extended family, you are going to have to listen (especially if they are footing a lot of the bill).
• Family: the larger your family with more relatives, the larger your guest list is going to be, unless you limit to relations not further away than first cousin, for example.
• Logistical: Your wedding guest list size is also going to be determined by your ceremony and reception site location. If your location only accommodates 100 people, you simply cannot invite more than that.

When compiling your wedding guest list, you can use a general rule of thumb and allocate 25% of the guest list to the bride, 25% to the groom, and 25% to each of the families.

Of course, this will not be feasible in all situations. If the groom's family live far from the location of the ceremony, the amount of people from their list will be few.
By the way, it is always a courtesy to send invitations to those people you know will probably not be able to attend due to great distance or illness.

This will say to them that you were thinking of them and that you would have loved their company on your special day.

No doubt, you will have to take your unique situation into account when working out your wedding guest list.

When the bride's parents are paying for the wedding, they are allowed to invite more guests. The same also holds true for the groom's parents if they are paying.

If you are paying for your own wedding, and your budget is tight, then it is reasonable to ask for parental assistance with regard to finances, especially if their friends are on the guest list.

If you or your fiance's parents are divorced and have remarried, then there will be even more friends and family to invite.

Be sure to include your officiant on your wedding guest list and his/her spouse if applicable. You might also want to invite the parents of the best man, maid of honor, bridesmaids and ushers.

Don't feel compelled to invite certain people, such as your boss or coworkers as this may make the occasion feel more like a corporate party than a wedding.

It could be a difficult situation when dealing with recently separated or divorced couples if their ex-partners are invited. Send an invitation to each and let them decide whether they are going to attend or not.

If you make that decision for them by excluding one person or the other, it will only lead to bitterness and hurt (usually towards you!).

What might be a good idea is to make up an A wedding guest list and a B wedding guest list. Send out invitations to the A list first. There might be many out of towners that will not be able to make it to the wedding.

As the regrets come in, start sending out the invites from the B wedding guest list. Don't let weeks pass by in between, or else the B listers will definitely be perceived as an afterthought.

People do love weddings! You can probably count on an 80% acceptance rate.

If you have a destination wedding planned, you should still send out the proper count of invitations. You may just well be surprised at how many guests will attend, as it is a great excuse to have a holiday as well!

I am going to now go into a special section devoted to children wedding guests....

Inviting children to weddings seems to be a very controversial issue. To some it is a no-brainer, either yay or nay, but for others it causes great distress as you don't want to offend anyone.

The best policy I can come up with is either you do and do it all the way (everyone's child invited) or not (no one's child is invited) and that way you won't end up with hurt feelings.

If you are still on the fence about the issue, look at the following statements and decide which ones best reflect your thoughts and feelings:

Yay (with children):

• You have a special little person who is an important part of your lives and you want them to share in your big day
• Weddings are all about uniting families and families include children. Their presence can be spiritually meaningful.
• Weddings are a great way to reunite with friends and introduce their families to you.
• Kids are cute and energetic and may capture some of your guest's attention taking some of the focus off of you. Terrific for shy people who are not used to being in the spotlight. I also find that kids are usually some of the first ones on the dance floor.
• You don't want to force your guests with kids to leave them at home, which you know is either not feasible to leave with a babysitter or would make them nervous.
• you can't just invite select children so you don't want to offend some by not inviting them.

Nay (without children):

• Children are cute and energetic. They might take the limelight away from me and it is my special day. Also, they might just run around and cause disturbances.
• I am planning a particular kind of theme ceremony and reception which would not jive with kids being present
• I want to save money. With no kids being invited, there will be less mouths to feed.
• I want to give my friend's and family member's with kids the night off. They can party and just pay the babysitter when they get home
• you can't invite every child so you don't want to offend by only inviting some.

If you are concerned about inviting kids regarding cost, ask your reception location about serving kid's meals.

They are usually cheaper than an adult place setting and, believe me, kid's would rather have chicken fingers and fries than traditional adult fare.

As for younger children, say three and younger, they could probably sit with their parents and would not take a plate themselves.

For older children, you could have a table set up for them with a guest or hired helper/babysitter making sure nothing or no one gets out of hand. Dollar store grab bags will keep them busy with coloring books, pencils and crayons.

If you want to have a special favor for the kids, they (and their parents) will love you if you give them Fish in a Bag wedding and party favors.

If you do decide not to invite children, don't write it on your invites. Simply address the invitation to the parents, omitting the little ones.

Should an invited couple note on their response card that they are bringing their uninvited children, it is perfectly acceptable to call them and say, "Due to our limited guest list, we are unable to have children attend. I hope you will be able to make alternative arrangements for them so you can still be with us."

Strategies for Making Cuts to Your Wedding Guest List:

If your wedding guest list is bloated and needs to lose some weight (guests) here are some methods you can try:

• send solo invitations to friends not heavily monogamous, engaged or married
• don't invite coworkers
• don't invite children under sixteen (or some other age decided upon)
• don't invite people out of guilt (these are those people that practically demand an invitation). If you have to think a great deal about inviting someone, they probably don't belong at your wedding.
• remove everyone you haven't spoken to in a year. If it is still too large, progress to six months, three months, etc. until it is a better size. This could apply to relatives as well.
• scan your list for "problem" people. (these could be people who can't hold their liquor, are bigoted, or have any other anti-social behavior problems)

Nowadays, more and more couples are paying for most of the wedding themselves. Be firm with parents who insist you invite the people they know with whom you do not have a personal relationship.

You will only be resentful later on, especially if it means that you couldn't invite someone who's special to you.

Your wedding should not be used by your parents as an opportunity to reunite with distant relatives you don't even know, nor should it be used as a way to reciprocate an invitation from parent's friend's invitation to his daughter's wedding.

That being said, however, just remember that if your parents are helping you to foot the bill, they should have more say in whom to invite.

Just work with them, and do your best to compromise.

What to Do With People Who Might Be Offended That You Didn't Invite them to Your Wedding:

Be honest and say that with two families to accommodate, it was simply impossible to invite everyone you wanted to. That's really all you can do.

Have your say, participate in our survey:

This is a really hot topic! Are you having problems compiling your guest list? Is it too big? or too small? Are you having dilemmas about inviting children to your wedding?

Here is an area to voice your opinions and questions. Let us know if you solved a guest list problem or what problems you are faced with now. Share it!

Scroll down past this invitation to see what other couples (brides) have said.

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