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Wedding Invitation Etiquette is Essential

Wedding invitation etiquette is something that has to be applied to every wedding; whether it be formal or informal, it should not matter.

Etiquette is defined as being a set of conventional requirements as to social behavior; proprieties of conduct as established in any class or community or for any occasion. A prescribed or accepted code of usage in matters of ceremony, as at a court or in official or other formal observances.

In other words, if you follow the rules of wedding invitation etiquette when dealing with your wedding invitations, it will be less likely that you "tick" anyone off (I'm putting it bluntly there, I hope you don't mind)

Let's cover a few different areas here. First off, wedding invitation etiquette dictates that all wedding invitations be addressed by hand.

If your own penmanship is lacking, you may want to enlist the help of a friend or family member or perhaps even employ a professional calligrapher.

While addressing your invitations the following wedding invitation etiquette should be employed:

when addressing a female (whom you do not know if they are married or not), consider using the term Ms. This is a fail-safe option which is equivalent to Mr. and can be used regardless of the individual's age or marital status.

Avoid using nicknames (no matter how long you might have known the person). Make a phone call to find out the real name if you don't already know it.

Either use both first names when addressing a married couple or no first names at all. Avoid the Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. (it is old fashioned and usually makes the wife feel owned by her husband)

If one of your guests is a doctor, then the wedding invitation etiquette rules state to use the title Dr. instead of Mr. or Ms. If both members of a couple are doctors, then use the title Drs. (example, Drs. Brian Smith and Julia Thompson).
This applies also to the bride and groom; if either are doctors, use the title before his or her name in the body of the invitation and use Mr. or Ms. with the non-doctor so his or her name won't look so naked.
The same goes if a guest was or is in the service; you should use his or her rank.

If a married woman uses both her surname and her husband's surname, wedding invitation etiquette dictates that your invitations should use both as well.

If you are inviting children with Mom and Dad, do not address the invitation as ...and family. Instead, children's names should appear only on the inner envelope.

When inviting an adult child still living at home with their parents, they should receive a separate invitation aside from his or her parents. General rule of thumb: every single person over the age of 18 should receive his or her own invitation.

If a married woman never uses her husband's surname when referring to herself, neither should you on your wedding invitation.

Only the outer envelope includes the street address after the names. "Avenue", "Street", "Boulevard" should all be spelt out not abbreviated.

Do not use stickers with your return address. If you did not order your invitations with your address printed on the back of the outer envelope, you should write it out by hand.

For the inner envelope, they are addressed in a more informal fashion (typically only title abbreviations and last names) and include the names of all the invitees at the address including children, if applicable.

A great tip to pass on to you is to see if you can take the envelopes home immediately when placing your wedding invitation order.
If you are getting your return address printed on them, ask to have them delivered as soon as possible. In this way, you can start addressing them while your invitations are being printed.

Wedding Invitation Etiquette on Enclosures:

This one is a biggie so I'm placing this first on the list....DO NOT include a list of stores where you are registered. That's just tacky!!! Don't worry...family and friends will pass on this information to inquiring guests.

If your ceremony and reception are in the same location, wedding etiquette rules dictate that you do not need a Reception Card. Simply place "Reception immediately following ceremony" on the bottom left of the invitation. However, if you are having the reception at a different site, you might use a Reception card.
On it you could mention the type of reception you are having such as a "Brunch Reception" or "Dinner and Dance Reception" so your guests know what to expect.

Maps are a big help to people unfamiliar with the locations of your ceremony and reception. One of the least expensive ways to prepare these is to make them yourself on a computer.
Another option is to take a sketch of what you want included to a print shop that has a map-making computer program. If you bring one of your invitations, you will be able to match the color of the paper stock you choose.
Perhaps on the other side of your map, you can tell your guests a little about the place where your wedding and reception will take place if it has some historical significance, etc.

A nice touch that goes beyond wedding invitation etiquette for the out-of-town guests is to have the names of convenient hotels both shown on the map and listed on the reverse side with addresses and telephone numbers or web sites.

Response Cards and Envelopes are an essential enclosure in this busy day and age. In the past, guests would send back a handwritten note with their acceptance or regret. Nowadays, we use these cards, along with a pre-addressed and pre-stamped envelope to make it as easy as possible to get a reply back.
Make sure that the date you specify coincides with the date you need to know your final count for the caterer. It is a good idea to have your "respond by" date be at least a weekend before this final count due date.
You will no doubt have to make a few phone calls to guests that you haven't heard from yet and this will give you the weekend to do it.

Wedding Invitation Etiquette on Assembling:

Place stamps on all of your response envelopes

Set everything up like an assembly line, in the order in which they go, from the bottom of the stack to the top: wedding invitation, tissue (if you are using it; this is actually a throwback to olden days when they used to use it to blot excess ink so your invitation did not smear), reception card (if you are using it),map (if you are using it) reply envelope with the reply card tucked under the flap.

Place all this in the invitation envelope, with the printed side of all the contents facing the envelope's flap. This inner envelope does not get sealed (it usually does not come with a gummed flap).

Place all of this in the outer envelope that has the address on it (make sure the inner and outer envelopes correspond to the same people!) You should ensure that the guest's name faces the flap of the outer wrapper.
If you are wondering what's up with all these envelopes, this also goes back to the olden days of when mail was delivered by horse and rider, which could get pretty dirty in those days. Although, the outer envelope could possibly be soiled by the dirty hand of the courier, the actual invitation could be presented to the home owner in pristine condition.

A good idea is to take one finished packet to the post office to get weighed and the correct postage that will be needed to send it. Make sure you also get the correct postage for those going international as well.
It would be awful if your invitations were sent back to you due to insufficient postage, never mind the kink that would do to your schedule of receiving replies back by a certain date.

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